'Our mother isn’t a robot and is allowed to be sad': Man gets offended when mom cries about his elopement, brother sets him straight

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 11, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

There is a subsection of our population that sees elopement as an inherently nefarious act done by selfish couples to harm their mothers intentionally. A much larger group understands the desire to elope but is still moderately upset when their children exclude them from the most important day of their lives. If you decide to elope, you have to do so knowing that it might hurt your family's feelings, and you should give them some space to accept what has happened. It's rare for a mother to jump up and down with excitement at the news of her children's elopement for a reason, and if you expect that reaction, you're a total fool. 

One man recently shared the news of his elopement over dinner. Unsurprisingly, his mother was emotional at this news but tried to keep it together. Instead of empathizing with her distress, the groom complained to his brother about her reaction. 

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  • 01
    ELCOME
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411

    Photo does not feature the real subjects in the story

  • 02
    AITA for telling my brother our mother isn't a allowed to be sad robot and is
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411
  • 03
    My brother and his wife like to do their own thing. They are much more my way or the highway then compromising.
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  • 04
    The big issue right now is that they eloped, which they are allowed to do obviously. He told everyone last night at diner. It was a big shock to everyone since for the longest time they didn't want to marry.
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411
  • 05
    When he told the news, our mother told him congratulations but it was clear that she wasn't very happy about it. She didn't say anything but her congratulations where forced and she looked close to crying. I asked if she was fine when cleaning up. Mom was sad that she didn't get to see him get married but overall she would be fine.
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411
  • 06
    My brother gave me a call later that night and he had an issue with her response. He wasn't happy at all that she wasn't very excited. That him and his wife found it disrespectful. I asked if mom said anything to him and heconfirmed she didn't.
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411
  • 07
    I told him that mom isn't a robot and she is allowed to be sad. That she didn't get to see her kid get married and being sad isn't an odd emotion to have about it. This started an arguement and he thinks I am for defending her. being a
    via u/Appropriate_Can_5411
  • 08
    epicchefuk 21 hr. ago NTA. You did the right thing. If they wanted to elope they could, and they did. Mom was sad that she didn't get to see him get married but overall she would be fine.
    via u/epicchefuk
  • 09
    I think this is a perfectly reasonable human reaction for a mom to have, because she loves her son and would really have wanted to be part of it. I told him that mom isn't a robot and she is allowed to be sad. That she didn't get to see her kid get married and being sad isn't an odd emotion to have about it.
    via u/epicchefuk
  • 10
    I think your brother's expectation that your mother be nothing but excited about it is unreasonable, and getting mad is also unreasonable. Explaining the situation to him like you did was absolutely the right thing, and sticking up for your mom who you love so much and who very clearly loves you both so much.
    via u/epicchefuk
  • 11
    MaybeHughes · 20 hr. ago Agreed. NTA Your defense was very compassionate. Your mom was really mature, in that she recognized their boundary and honored by not confronting them or putting her emotions on them. But that's a sad thing to miss out on.
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  • 12
    Your brother and SIL sound like they're taking the concept of boundary too far, to the point of policing people's emotions.
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  • 13
    fuckandfrolic 18 hr. ago. edited 18 hr. ago I find the entire concept of the brother being mad at OP for "defending" their mom ridiculous. What is there to defend? The fact that she's sad she didn't get to see him get married. Lock her up!
    via u/f*ckandfrolic
  • 14
    ArgyleBarglePlaid - 12 hr. ago Bro doesn't consider his mom a person, just the robot who took care of him and therefore isn't allowed to have feelings ever.
    via u/ArgyleBarglePlaid
  • 15
    Big-Satisfaction9644 · 19 hr. ago This. Too often people find other's emotions and reactions to their own actions inconvenient and therefore want to tell the person to get over it, or that they're being selfish. Part of being in a family is accepting other's feelings, listening and incorporating their feelings into how you operate. OP did good. The brother needs to grow up.
    via u/Big-Satisfaction9644
  • 16
    edked 10 hr. ago Plus, the fact that their big problem with mom's unenthusiastic response is that it they found it "disrespectful" to them makes them massive, self-important 100% NTA for OP.
    via u/edked
  • 17
    Hjorrild 9 hr. ago They did no one to know about the marriage, no one to be involved, no one to be present. So why expect congratulations, elation? They wanted no one to have anything to do with it, so make the declaration and be done with it.
    via u/Hjorrild
  • 18
    rockology_adam · 21 hr. ago NTA. The only villain here is your brother, but not for eloping. I get that. Some people need that freedom and independence to just do whatever they need to do. But if you're going to be that person, you HAVE to make space for people to be disappointed that they missed out on something. Turning around and being upset that your mother was upset that she didn't get to attend your wedding is wildly immature.
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 19
    That's the real word here. It's immature. Again, the precipating actions, eloping, telling your mother at dinner, aren't villainous in and of themselves. But you can't exclude people from things and get upset with them for feeling bad about being excluded. This is children-on-the- playground level maturity, and your brother isn't even there.
    via u/rockology_adam
  • 20
    Ancient_List 21 hr. ago Announcing it at dinner after the fact is going to force the mother to confront her feelings on a public space without feeling like she was considered. People can be disappointed. That's normal. But maybe let them process it in private! And give them time!
    via u/Ancient_List
  • 21
    rebelpaddy27. 20 hr. ago She can go to his next one. He seems like a real catch.
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  • 22
    louisianacat1 21 hr. ago NTA - why should he get to police your emotions about an event he didn't want you at. Like you said he's entitled to get married in whatever way he wants with whichever people he wants present. Your mom is allowed to respond to the news however she feels. Tell your brother that if he didn't care about your mom's feelings when he was getting married he shouldn't care too much now. Kinda silly that her reaction is sooo important to him but her presence at his wedding wasn'
    via u/louisianacat1

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marriage cry eloped brother Just Married emotional wife reddit story eloping husband elopement reddit thread Reddit mom married crying brothers
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